


Survivalism

by Casuallyarobot



Category: Cyberpunk 2077 (Video Game)
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Cults, Drug Use, Edglord af, F/F, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Mostly just angst tho, Past Sexual Abuse, Religious Fanaticism, Revenge, Sexual Abuse, Trauma, Violence
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-03-03
Updated: 2021-03-13
Packaged: 2021-03-16 16:01:41
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 7
Words: 17,173
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29827428
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Casuallyarobot/pseuds/Casuallyarobot
Summary: Johnny knew he was fucked in the head. His past was riddled with trauma and bad decisions. Now he's a cyber ghost in the head of someone equally as fucked up and it's granted some perspective.Cyberpunk 2077 from both V and Johnny's perspective.This fic also has mention of triggering content such as religious cults, sexual abuse, and abuse in general. There will be trigger warnings at the beginning of each chapter.ON A BRIEF HIATUS: I'll be back to this once I sort out where this fic is going and how we're getting there. 💜
Relationships: Johnny Silverhand/V, Judy Alvarez/V
Comments: 30
Kudos: 36





	1. Into the Void

**Author's Note:**

> TRIGGER WARNING: 
> 
> Mentions of child sexual abuse, religious fanaticism, cults,
> 
> "Wake the fuck up, Samurai."

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Waking up in someone's head isn't exactly the easiest experience ever had, even when you're a rockerboy who's seen it all.

A gunshot rang out startling Johnny awake. Had he been asleep? He didn't remember going to sleep. He didn't remember much. Arasaka tower, Rogue, Spider, Smasher....Soulkiller. It was hard to think. His lower abdomen hurt like hell. It was like someone was trying to carve their way out of his lower intestine with a spoon. He heard a soft hiss in pain in a voice that wasn't even remotely his. That seemed to perk his interest right up. 

He sat up in a dingy rustic little bed with ratty sheets and a thin blanket, the frame looked like it had been hand made albeit poorly. Where the fuck would anyone have gotten a bed like this? He glanced around, the room they were in was barely illuminated by the moonlight, it was a full moon tonight. His perspective shifted as more pain from his lower abdomen shot through him. Holding his middle he folded forward, taking in shaky breaths. He moved the thin blanket that had been covering him and looked down. The sheets were stained in blood. Something that made his heart flutter in dread. 

While he was looking down he realized that he was not himself at all. His legs were thin and small. Also the plumbing was completely wrong. His hand moved down to his pubic area seemingly on its own, touching gently, and when he pulled his hand back there was blood.

Was this a shitty BD? What the fuck was going on?

He heard a soft feminine swear as he...she?...whatever perspective he was in...slid out of the bed, quickly pulling the sheets off of the bed, trying to stuff them underneath the mattress. He then noticed that the mattress was also stained and he felt panic building. 

"No no no no" The softest whisper came from him. The panic seeping into his bones causing him to shake from pure terror as well as the pain. Whoever this was a just got her first period and it scared the shit out of her.

Damn no wonder chicks were so goddamn moody when they were bleeding, this shit was fuckin' painful. He almost felt bad for giving previous girlfriend's shit about being on the rag. Almost.

A lit candle entered, illuminating a room full of beds much like the one he had woken up in. There were several young girls were lying sound asleep in them. Somehow Johnny knew he was the oldest of them. 

"Valerie? Praise be! You're a woman now!" Another female voice spoke, soft, sounding jubilant. He looked up and saw a blond woman, older, her face had frown lines creased around her mouth, her forehead a mess of wrinkles. Somehow he knew it wasn't from laughing. Her hair tied back in a braid, she wearing a strange nightgown, It looked colonial, some little house on the prairie shit. " Oh the father will be most pleased." She smiled as if this were a positive thing.

"N-no I-I cut myself a-and I must have just misdressed the wound." A desperate lie. Johnny could feel her heart beat fluttering like a bird.

The blond woman's expression fell from elation to stern. The woman moved to Johnny's side, her hand was gnarled, knuckles wrought with arthritis. Her grip was too tight. She leaned over him, the wax from the candle she held spilling onto him only slightly, burning him through his own clothes. "Valerie, lying is a sin. You were gifted with a womb so that you may be a mother to many! The Father will be so excited to hear of this in the morning." The blond woman smiled, the proximity gave Johnny a closer look at this woman. Her teeth were rotted, her breath was even worse. It made his stomach turn. "We will move you to the Mother's home soon." Her grip tightened further and he got flashes of being beaten, hair pulled, kicked, all by this woman. He held deathly still.

This had to be a shitty BD. Maybe some horror flick?

 _"jesus c'mon can someone turn this thing off? Kerr? Nance?"_ Johnny called out to a void, no such luck on being saved from whatever shitshow this was. 

The blond woman, the den mother, quickly and quietly, replaced Valerie's sheets and took the bloody ones. "Proof of your ripened fruit! I was so worried that your deviancy had tainted you, we are so blessed this day!" She smiled again. Johnny wished she'd stop doing that.

The Den Mother left the room, taking the candle with her. Soon enough the only light was the moonlight again. 

Through Valerie's perspective Johnny was made to lay back down but he already could feel this girl's mind racing. She was planning to delta as quickly as her body would take her. Valerie laid still for half an hour, counting her breaths, listening to the breathing of every other girl in the room, making sure she was unsuspected, making sure she wouldn't get caught. She then slipped from her bed again and crawled under it, laying flat on her back staring upwards, she reached up into a tear in the mattress pulling out a pair of sturdy denim jeans, a button up flannel shirt, and some ratty boots. All things she had stolen from the men of their family, their cult, while she was doing some of their laundry. She changed silently, pulling the thin cotton nightgown over her head and pulling on the pants and shirt. She crawled out from under the bed taking care not to make a sound. She slid on socks and her boots. She would have to jump from the window and flee into the woods. The stairs and front door weren't an option.

This was her only option. She wasn't going to be a mother, she saw what happened to the others. They were bred like cattle. The idea of....that...she was trembling at the thought. Her period cramps worsening, causing her to falter in her steps. She felt her heart drop when she felt the floorboard beneath her give way, creaking loudly. She looked around, wide eyed, at the other girls around her who shifted in their sleep. Her gaze falling on one particular girl, her same age. A red head with a soft round face and gentle hands. Johnny felt her heart flutter when she gazed at this girl. A childhood crush, forbidden feelings, holding hands in secret.

The redhead shifted in her sleep, eyes opening blearily at the floorboard. She squinted at Valerie as she sat up. Her eyes went wide, seeing how She was dressed, seeing the direction she was sneaking. She shook her head softly.

"Prude please no..." Valerie begged in the softest whisper. She reached out towards the girl. "I have to go I can't stay I-"

The redhead, Prudence, opened her mouth and let out a shriek. Waking the entire room quickly. Each of the girls sitting up wore the same sort of nightgown that The Den Mother wore. Valerie felt her resolve harden as she leapt forward, balling her fist and punching her childhood crush in the throat, silencing her, before running to the window, throwing it open, and flinging herself from it.

She landed on hard gravel after falling from the second story. Landing in a heap, she felt something pop in her back. She didn't take time to check how badly she was hurt. The lights in the entire house turned on illuminating the gravel driveway. She ran to a large truck that was parked near by. The Men always left the keys in the ignition. She could use the truck to make a quick escape! 

Johnny was able to catch Valerie's reflection in the window. A young girl, thirteen at best, With long black hair and wild brown eyes, sharp features although that could also be from malnourishment. She grabbed the handle to the truck and yanked it open.

The keys were gone. Her best form of escape had been stolen from her. She cursed softly. Her eyes welling up with tears as she ran towards the dense treeline that was a hundred feet from the house.

The last thing Johnny heard was the sound of a shotgun being fired and white hot pain all along his back before he faded to black.

***

"You hear me?"

Next thing he knew he was watching from someone else's perspective again as...were those 'Saka goons? He was shooting them, making pretty work although he was rough as hell. Whoever was driving was swerving all over the goddamn road. Aiming was hell. He looked over seeing an Asian man driving, he looked as rough as Johnny felt. Johnny quickly clocked the Arasaka logo on the man's chrome. He was shouting something. Johnny didn't quite get it. 

They wrapped their car around a pole, pinning the last 'Saka goon to it. He headshotted the fucker before the gun was taken from him. He was being asked about a ripper doc. He faded out before he heard the answer.

***

He came to again, this time no more stupid BD. His own perspective, thank fuck. He was in some shitty apartment? Studio. One side room that looked like it was secured. Probably a weapons cache? The bathroom was wide open. Teal beads covering the shitter. He'd been grungier places. Question was how the fuck did he get here, and how did he leave?

He looked over, noticing a beat-to-hell woman lying on the bed. She was covered in bandages, blood seeping through them. She seemed familiar, not that it mattered. Kept her hair cropped short. Three inches on top, sides shaved. Wearing some shitty sweat pants. He sighed, banging his head against the wall behind him. He was starting to get cagey. Wasn't sure if it was The Texas Chainsaw Massacre BD he'd been subjected to or the fact that he didn't know where the fuck he was that was causing this behavior. Probably both.

"Gotta get out of here..."

He muttered, his mind slowly whirling. What had he been doing again? Arasaka Tower....shit! The tower, the nuke, Smasher, Saburo, all of it came rushing back in full this time. He felt anger surge through him.

He tried to walk out of this place, leave this crusty bitch to her fate, but found he glitched right back near her when he got too far away. What the hell? He tried again, and again, and again.

A couple of hours of this and he was in agony. Banging the back of his head against the wall behind him more aggressively this time. He noticed the woman finally rouse some. She must have _finally_ heard him. 

"Need a smoke, where'd you stash yours?"

She sat up, rubbing her face. She looked awful and felt worse. Why did Johnny know that? He felt frustration boiling over. What the fuck was happening?

"I don't...smoke..." She said looking at him, confused.

"Then go out and get some!" He demanded. Fuck he needed a cigarette. He couldn't think.

"How did you get in here? How are we talking?" She stood up gently, she looked like a walking corpse.

"How the fuck should I know?" He sneered. "The fuck kind of Joytoy are you supposed to be anyway?"

"Fucking ghost off!" She snapped, a white hot pinprick of rage filling her within a millisecond. She turned her back to him, heading towards the bathroom.

Mistake.

Johnny stormed in front of her, he didn't realize he'd teleported directly in front of her shoving her down. It was easy. She fell over, brown eyes wide and wild. He towered over her, fist raised. He hadn't intended to choose violence to get this sorted.

That was a lie, yes he did.

"Who you working for? Start talking!"

She mirrored his movements down to his posture despite the fact that she was on the ground.

"Fuck..."

"Fuck..."

"Fucking chip..." They spoke in unison, voices melding.

"Rip the thing out myself-"

"No wait!!"

Suddenly he was behind her eyes...again? The gravity of what was going on sinking in. He bashed her face against her window.

"I'll take control! Find a way! You hear me?" He blacked out with her on the third hit.

She came to after a moment. Johnny was pacing like a mad man. Muttering.

"See you never, Asshole." She pulled out a blue bottle of pills, opening the cap.

"Not like that!" Johnny slapped the pills out of her hand. She wasn't gonna pussy out and take some pills to stop this. "Stick some iron in your moth and pull the trigger!" He growled. He shoved her over and watched her crawl towards the pile of pills just a few feet away. Pathetic.

This was the engram, _he_ was a copy of the engram. And he was taking over this woman? The idea was unsettling to say the least. He had to be out there somewhere, the _real_ him. 

"Bullet to the brain, only way to fix this...I can feel our minds touching...I'm creeping into you like mold on fruit. I'd puke if I could."

He felt like a lunatic. He knew this woman definitely thought he was. Her thoughts loud in his own head. He hated that.

"I'll fucking kill you!" She snapped.

"What are you waiting for? Do it!"

Watched her pop a pill and roll to her back.

"Fuck"

Suddenly he was back behind her eyes. Passive observer, he even could black out, sleep some if he wanted....

He tried to some mild success.

***

Now he knew who's perspective he was in. He had an easier time understanding what was going on.

V stood in an Arasaka bathroom. She had just gotten the job here. There was a sense of pride in her chest to be where she was. It made Johnny sick until he realized it wasn't pride she was feeling.

It was _safety_.

That feeling was misguided but it looked like she was maybe 23? She had no fucking clue the viper pit she had put herself in.

She had been completely transformed from the reflection he had caught of her in the truck window. Head shaved, new eyes, chrome everywhere she could think to put it, it seemed.

She smirked to herself as she clenched her fists, forearms shifting as mantis blades revealed themselves.

That's why she felt safe. Now he understood. Arasaka footed the bill for an entire body makeover. She sold her soul to 'Saka so she could feel safe in her own skin. Idiot.

Flashes of scenes from her corpo life flitting by, she adapted to the corpo cunt lifestyle well enough. Playing dirty where she could and making sure she stayed exactly where she was.

Until they stripped her of everything five years later. 

The fear settling in her gut again as Jackie, a giant of a man with a top knot and a top notch personality, peeled her off of the floor at Lizzie's bar was palpable. She had been robbed of her hard earned safety. Jackie took care of her though. Introduced her to the streets of Night City. Her best friend and confidante, one of a few people she trusted completely. Him, Viktor Vector, Misty...and that seemed to be the extent of her list.

Johnny was able to see everything that happened during the heist. Everything that went wrong. Damn...Dex really ran them through it. He recognized the gunshot sound as he lived through V's experience.

It had been his wakeup call.

***

He became aware again when V went to Tom's. Meeting back up with that fuckin Corp.

When the suit left Johnny stepped in. As V looked at him he felt something shift in her, something dangerous. Her expression went from annoyed with the Corp, to violent. He felt, briefly, like he was in danger. There was a rage in her that she kept locked tightly away, they both knew if she gave into it, it would consume her.

Johnny knew a thing or two about uncontrollable rage. He also knew what it was like to be consumed by it. It's why they were where they were.

"You don't have to talk out loud to talk to me...you know that right?"

V's expression didn't change.

"You will _never_ fucking touch me again. I would say to never speak to me but I have a feeling that you're incapable of that"

Her voice was laid with venom. This was a warning. Flashes of last night's altercation popped up in her head. The fight was familiar in a way that made her violently defensive.

Johnny held his hands up.

"Can do about the No touching, can't do the talking thing." He grinned in the face of the seething form of V. "Listen had some time to process, don't want you dead." He spoke nonchalantly, resting his leg up on the table.

He did his best to pitch his ideas to her. She sneered at him.

"There is no us. The only reason you're still around is because you aren't fucking real"

Johnny was quite hopeful about this budding partnership.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Working on editing the chapters so they read better. Bear with me as I try and clean up some of this haha.


	2. The Good Soldier

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> V has a hell of a time keeping a grip on herself. She feels Johnny feeding into her and it's more than she can handle.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warnings for violence and abuse

"You're the best of the best Vik....is...is there really nothing you can do?" Her voice a whimper. She watched Vik struggle, feeling just as helpless as she did. She was curled up in Vik's chair, knees tucked to her chest as she shifted against the cracked old leather. She was having a hell of a time processing this. She looked around his office, illuminated by the teal and pink neon sign for Kiroshi Optics in the corner. Vik's TV was playing an old boxing match although nobody was paying attention to it. How could they?

She was dying.....she was dying and it was this fucking biochip that was killing her. Johnny Silverhand, a man she had once revered, was slowly robbing her of her autonomy. She trembled looking at her hands. Her breath growing quicker. 

She felt something within her shifting. She felt a rage building up within her, burning her from the inside, anger that she had come so far from hell, she'd crossed the entire fucking country and built a life here. She came from nothing and intended to make sure the world knew who the fuck she was. Now that would never happen. Used like a condom and discarded by a piece of shit like Dexter Deshawn. Anger manifested as tears swelling in her eyes, threatening to spill down her cheeks.

Vik stepped away from her. "Misty..." He called. He sounded so broken. V knew he didn't know what to do. He was also shaking. He was at least 50, his face was smattered in laugh lines. He wasn't laughing now. Behind his tinted glasses she knew he was also in pain. He was helpless to save her and she knew it was gonna eat at him.

Misty came to her. Misty, who had been an anchor for Jackie at all times and had helped V learn how to manage the constant storm that raged within her. Helped her process her traumas. Misty was the strongest person she had ever met. Her wild, short, blond hair shifting as she approached V. She gave a soft smile, her dark makeup making her expression more intense. 

"You're asking too much of an old timer like Vik." She said softly, placing a hand on V's shoulder. "Let's get you home." She helped V into a wheelchair, her touch was always so gentle. She wiped at V's cheeks softly as she cried. V hated crying. Made her feel weak. 

V didn't protest being ushered out. She told Misty everything, every last detail. When she got to Jackie's death she shuddered, breaking down over her best friend. Jackie was so special, he deserved so much more than he got. He seemed to know it too. V wished she'd never taken this job, she wished that she could have somehow saved him. Jackie was such a pure soul. 

Misty helped V settle in, sat with her, comforted her. Somehow she managed to quiet V's pain with words and kindness. Something that was a rarity in Night City. She gifted V pills, some to block out her new guest, and some to speed up the process. Options. That's what she said. V wondered if Misty knew something V didn't. That was probably the case. Misty's intuition was uncomfortably strong. She also gifted V with a pendant with the bullet Deshawn had pumped through her head. The thing that kicked off this whole fiasco. She wished it had just killed her. Misty left with a soft hug, asking V to rest.

"Please sleep."

V obliged.

And then Johnny Motherfucking Silverhand had the audacity to show his face.

It had been some time since someone had been so foolish as to smack her around like that. V was taken off guard. How do you fight a ghost? Sure she had mantis blades in her fucking arms but what good did they do if she was too paralyzed with fear to use them. The way he stood over her, encouraged her to kill herself, he wanted her dead so badly she could feel it in her soul. There was a small part of her that agreed with him. She wasn't sure if she wanted to keep going. The fact that he brought that out in her further only fueled her anger. 

She stood in her bathroom, after showering, staring at herself in the mirror. Bruise on her cheek from being slapped to the floor, bruise on her fucking forehead from being brained on the window. Blood was seeping through the bandages she wore. Her entire body was a mess of aches and pains from the events of days previous. From events of _last night._ Flashbacks from the night previous flooding her memory, she felt rage bubble over as she began to punch the concrete wall beside her, knowing that shattering the mirror would cost her to replace it, she didn't want to clean up glass. She felt that anger shift in her like a rolling tide, vision reddening as she punched the wall beside her.

She hit again and again, the pain biting into her knuckles, reminding her she was still there. She still had control for now. Sometimes she wished she could still split them like she had as a kid. She traded her organic hands long ago when she built herself into what she was now. The pain of a busted knuckle from a good hit had some satisfaction behind it. This outburst was not going to solve anything and yet she couldn't stop. She didn't realize she was yelling until-

"I did not come this far to die now. I did not FUCKING COME THIS FAR TO LOSE EVERYTHING!"

Her voice was a clap of thunder amidst a storm reverberating off of the walls and assailing her ears. She caught her reflection in the mirror and she looked feral. She felt feral. 

She finally stopped, panting, seeing that she had left several dents in the wall she would patch later. This wasn't the first time she'd punched the wall. Probably wouldn't be the last. Especially now that she was on a timer. Out of the corner of her eye she spotted her old Samurai collection. Albums, a ratty old merch hat, and an old T-shirt. Part of her wanted to throw them all out the window. She turned on her heel, going over to the collection. She touched the shirt, bringing it to her as she held it close. There was a familiar scent on it. Made her think of being in the badlands, camp fires, staring at the stars and hearing about how the world worked from an old man with kind eyes. She couldn't bring herself to get rid of it all. Instead she just slid the cabinet door closed over all of the Samurai merch she had. She didn't want any more visual reminders of the thing killing her.

She called Mama Welles and tried to apologize, to right the wrong of avoiding the mother of her best friend, the mother who took her in, no questions asked. Who loved her, no questions asked. 

"Mija, it is ok. You do not need to explain yourself. My son knew the risks when he took that job. Go check your door. I left you something, Jackie would have wanted you to have it." Mama Welles' voice was kind, her words gentle. Something that soothed V, easing her down from the emotional breakdown she was about to have. V nodded. 

"I-I'll come by soon, Mama Welles. I'm....I'm sorry."

"I will see you soon." and with that she hung up. 

V checked outside her apartment door, sliding the door open slightly and peeking outside, finding a box with keys inside. Her expression fell as she knew exactly what this was for. Jackie's Arch. His pride and joy.

It was almost too much. She went back inside, changing into some clothing that wasn't just her grimy loungewear. She stepped outside, heading down stairs towards the elevator. Her head was in a fog as she passed by a pair of cops knocking on the door of one of her neighbors, begging him to talk. She stumbled through the crowd, calling the elevator, her forehead pressed against the chain link door that kept folks from trying to board the elevator too early and falling to their deaths. The cool metal against her face felt nice. especially on the bruises that Johnny had given her. 

She passed by the boxing ring, briefly remembering Fred had talked to her about boxing matches. How he wanted her to participate, she would be good at it. Those words rang hollow now as she stepped out into the sunshine in Night City. She pressed a button on the keys in her hand, hearing the bike zooming along and stopping in front of her, beeping cheerfully after a few moments. 

She ran her hand along the Maroon quilted seat, memories of Jack flooding to the forefront, grief cutting into her, stealing any resolve she may have had. The rage that had been all consuming snuffed out like a candle.

He would have had something to say about it, she was sure.

_"Chica, that's Johnny Silverhand! The scream sheets'd said he was a dick. What's he like really?"_

She imagined she'd tell him about their introduction she could just see how Jackie would set his jaw, posture squaring up. Nobody fucked with his Choombas like that. His usually relaxed posture taking more space, would have told Silverhand to square up immediately. He would have been pissed.

She was still pissed.

She slung her leg over the bike, turning the key in the ignition. This felt wrong. She drove the bike to the diner after receiving a call from Takemura. She at least owed him for saving her ass. He tried to help, as much as it also caused her to be in this position. He didn't know. Granted he was also a Corpo, so he didn't save her out of the goodness of his own heart. She arrived at Tom's diner, a retro feel as she saw the 1950's style tables, grimy with age and use, the bright reds and contrasting against the chrome accents. It was a good little greasy spoon.

Talking to Takemura at the diner proved useful. She knew how to play the corpo game. She knew that he would be polite to her face so long as he needed anything from her. She just had to make sure that she kept him in need. She had no interest in going toe to toe with Saburo Arasaka's former bodyguard. He may be older but she was sure he had no issue doing his job. She was so glad she didn't end up on the business end of his fists in Konpeki Plaza. Him or that fuckin' road block that Yorinobu hired. He seemed familiar, the dream she had after getting shot came to mind. Smasher? That name seemed right. Takemura excused himself after V had to calm him down several times. 

"Look we're hiding right now, outbursts like that is the fastest way to get caught and killed. Gotta play it cool." 

Takemura seemed to take her words better than she expected. He seemed like a serious person but he was desperate and she was offering him help and small kindness. They said their goodbyes and V was left to think about her options. She was going to order some food so she could process. She didn't get the chance. As soon as Takemura left Johnny showed up again. V's need to just think about her options, the quiet she craved, was gone in a flash and was replaced by immediate rage. 

"You know you've got some fucking nerve. First you wanna kill me and now you wanna be friends?" She stood up, slamming her hands on the table, staring absolute daggers at him. If he were truly there she would have gutted him on the spot. 

He only smirked and shrugged. "You know you don't have to talk out loud to talk to me, right?" He glanced back and brought attention to the fact that _everyone_ was looking at them. At her.

She slowly sank back into the booth, watching as Johnny propped one of his legs up on the table. "And I've processed some shit. Don't want you dead, wanna help."

How fucking generous of him. "You will _never_ touch me again." She warned, laying out her boundaries. She didn't want him to speak to her even, but she knew that was a losing battle. She knew about Johnny, she would never win that fight. She had half a mind to take several of the blockers, given to her by Vik, to keep him silenced while she figured out how to fucking save herself. 

"Look I'm trying to help you, kid."

He spoke, she scoffed. She pushed herself out of the booth and left the diner, she had nothing else to say to him. He was a ghost from a bygone era. What the fuck did he know?

Text message came in from Fred, boxing coach, mentioning a fight in Kabuki, also mentioned something about a surprise. A fight sounded fantastic about now. Anything to cut through the tension she felt.

Johnny agreed.

She fucking hated that she knew that. Hated that she could feel him. His babbling from last night coming to memory. Mold on fruit, creeping into her.

She clenched her fists. Swinging a leg over the arch and riding it to the fight destination. The radio started playing Chippin' In, she quickly changed the dial. She road along the streets of the city, wind in her hair felt nice. She savored it for a moment as she slowly came to the fight destination. She had to climb up some rather questionable platforms to get to where this fight was held but there was some fun in getting up there. She heard the crowds before she saw them. Cheering and laughing. A total contrast to how she felt, but it was nice to feel that energy. It was electric. The group of people forming a ring on the rooftop.

Now, she was no stranger to weird shit in night city but this? A pair of twins being the same person? Night City was too much sometimes.

"It looks like someone already warmed you up for this fight. Maybe I should take it easy on the lady." One of the two Bald men taunted. Noting the bruises on her body. V didn't take the bait. Just smirking. V knew this was all talk, a big show. 

"Boyfriend decide to give you pointers before you got here?" Another taunt, this one getting a little too personal.

She saw Johnny appear in the crowd and that was all she needed. Something in her snapped like cheap hardware, the floodgates opened and she was swept away in the current.

Her eyes glowed blue, funds transferred for the fight. "Guess you'll have to find out." She spoke softly.

She saw Johnny in the corner of her eye and she felt his eyes on her. This show was for him, specifically, a warning. _Do not fuck with me._

Red ringed her vision as she lashed out, allowing the monster she kept chained loose. These two little bitches had no idea what they were in for. 

She attacked. There was a cold, methodical, movement to her actions. Punch at the face to encourage a block and then body the fuck out of them. Side step, dodge attack, slap their punches away. A few times she smirked and get them an open slap to the side of the face. Just an insult. She kept going, punch after punch, She went into survival mode. She stopped thinking, just felt and reacted.

V's mind faded elsewhere as rage assumed control. Her mind going to a safer place, open roads, big black sky, the smell of food being cooked over a camp fire. 

Wasn't until there were five people, two of them twice her size, holding her back that she realized she had won.

The twins were knocked out cold and she had brutalized them. 

"Ok ok you won!" Someone was saying to her. Had her in a headlock although they weren't trying to choke her out. She found Johnny watching her among the crowd. Smoking a fake cigarette and nodding in approval. He seemed impressed. 

She shook her head, relaxing to let the people holding her back that she was done. "...got in the zone. Sorry..." The crowd shifted back, letting her breathe.

She left the rooftop. Heading back to the Arch. She bummed a cigarette off of one of the crowd members, taking a long drag before ashing it and tossing it into the gutter. The nicotine hit felt good, she felt Johnny relax some too. 

It had grown late, V was tired. She would need to talk to Judy tomorrow and start looking for Evelyn. For now she road the Arch home, parking it and heading back to her apartment. She glanced briefly at the cabinet where she kept all of her Samurai stuff before heading to the bathroom.

She showered, taking gentle care to wash her face and clean the cuts and busted lip from both Johnny's assault and from the twins tonight. She washed her back, feeling the scars from taking buckshot to the back as a child. She could still hear Prudence screaming, she remembered how easy it was to silence her, a quick fist to the throat. The first punch she'd ever thrown and it was to the girl she would sneak into the woods to hold hands with. God she was so fucked up. 

She sighed, hunching in the shower and holding herself. She couldn't handle flashbacks right now. Utilizing a breathing exercise Misty taught her, she kept herself present. If there was one thing she didn't want to do, it was explain the cult that had raised her. She didn't talk about it. There were three people in her life who knew: Vik, Misty, and Jackie. No...there were two people now...that realization stung.

She finished her shower and crawled into bed.  
A gun hidden beneath her pillow, falling on old habits to make her feel safe again.

She didn't have to fight for sleep, it came pretty easily tonight.

***

V could feel the heat of the Mexican sun beating down on her back. Her fatigues were uncomfortable, rubbing her the wrong way, she didn't dare move though. They were posted up by an old abandoned gas station, the road in front of them extended for miles and miles. She was on sniper duty. Any asshole who came their way that looked at em wrong had to be put down.

"Look alive, Linder! We got company on the way. Keep your head in the game and keep that trigger finger frosty. Beers on me if we make this!"

Another man spoke to her, squatting beside her on the roof of the station. He had a pair of binoculars and was watching closely. She knew him, he was familiar. The way he looked at her made her feel confident. She wanted that beer.

She spotted an enemy convoy heading their way. There were three cars in the front. This was going to be messy. 

She did what was asked of her, trigger finger frosty. She felt fleeting fear as she fought, she wasn't going to die here. She was going to go home and be a hero. Thats why she'd signed up to fight in the first place. 

She didn't see the danger until it was on top of her.

A drone had managed to slip from her sight and she felt pain rip through her as it fired on her. She looked down, seeing an arm at her feet. Her side felt wet. Who's arm was that?

"LINDER GET DOWN!"

Doing as she was told she watched a grenade fly over head, colliding with the drone and taking it out.

The man she had been with was at her side, holding her, dragging her? When had she fallen over? Why was he covered in blood? He looked down at her in a panic, she saw him quickly try and mask it. 

"It's ok, Robert, I got you. It's ok. I NEED A FUCKING MEDIC RIGHT NOW! Robert stay with me, man. It's gonna be ok, owe you a beer still. Focus on that. Stay with me."

She recognized a faint pain from her left shoulder. Had she been hit and didn't realize it. She looked over and her stomach dropped as shock set in.

_Her arm was gone._

***

V sat up in a gasp. She was shaking, looking down at her hands. She could still feel the pain from having an arm blown off. She touched her shoulder before resting her elbows on her knees, hands holding her head as she just took deep, deliberate, breaths.

She didn't need this. She didn't want this. She had her own trauma, her own demons. She didn't need Johnny's as well. She felt hot tears spilling down her cheeks.

She fucking hated crying.

RELIC MALFUNCTION DETECTED

V started coughing violently, her body convulsing, before she collapsed. Her world went black.

She woke back up in Mexico....


	3. We're in this Together

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Johnny weather's more memories, but is given a lot of introspection.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TRIGGER WARNING: Implied sexual abuse, abuse, gore, implied rape, implied child abuse,

Johnny felt a little bad. Watched her as she woke up from his memory. The way she clutched at her arm, left arm.

He heard the echoes of his past reverberating off of the walls of V's skull. She was curled into herself. He appeared to her, sitting on the edge of the bed just watching. It was an invitation if she had questions. He knew that as he slowly wormed his way into her, she did the same to him.

He'd be pissed if he couldn't sympathize. He had PTSD dreams...or he had when he was alive. He guessed he did now too. There was many a night that Kerry would have to wake him up on the tour bus gently. He'd gotten good at it, everyone else tried but they mostly gave him space. Tried to respect his space and privacy. At the time he appreciated it. Kerry was the only one who would offer to listen, try and help him. He missed the gonk.

He wanted to reach out and pat her shoulder or say something, but he had made a promise. Also he was pretty sure he would make it worse. He knew he was a dick and their fight when he first came to was rough but the way she wielded her fury at him? He knew that had triggered her somehow. His curiosity was starting to get the better of him.

He was brought out of his contemplative state when he heard V start coughing. It wasn't clearing her throat or swallowing spit. This was violent. He could taste the copper of blood in the back of her throat.

"....V?" 

She was trembling but this wasn't grief or fear this was.....

"Shit!"

He laid her on her side, watching as she seized.

"C'mon, kid." He muttered. He didn't want this, he didn't want to be the cause of her death. He'd caused so many deaths', Mexico, Arasaka collateral, Alt.... He relaxed when she finally stopped seizing.

She blacked out, returning to his tour in Mexico. What he hadn't expected was to black out with her. Falling into her memories.

***

She was running through the woods again.

Blood soaking through the back of her clothes from getting shot.

Who the fuck shoots at a kid?

Johnny felt his guts churn. He didn't much care for her, but this? Kiddo didn't deserve this.

Shouts echoed through the woods, they called to her, promising that they wouldn't hurt her, that she needed to come home now. Father was waiting.

The shouts were becoming intermixed with the barking of several dogs.

V ran with purpose. There was a river not far. She could lose them there. She knew the dogs were shit trackers. They were attack dogs. Shows of force to keep the girls in line and that force was used from time to time. She was not interested in getting caught.

She kept running, her legs were exhausted, her lungs were on fire. She felt like she had been running for hours.

She kept moving, tree branches whipping her face as she moved past. She was so close. When the tree line broke she skidded to a halt. She had come to a cliff overlooking the river. She was up at least 20 feet, probably 30. She looked down at the blackened water below even with the light of the full moon she couldn't tell how deep the water was. She looked back at the woods, hearing the faint calls of the family. She had to risk it. She took a deep breath and jumped. The water was cold but not unpleasant. The feeling of the nasty water hitting her open wounds caused her to see stars. The impact knocked the wind out of her, causing her to struggle. The water was stagnant, the river wasn't moving much. She coughed, the movement of her body causing her extreme discomfort from the buckshot that remained in her back.

She managed to drag herself to shore mostly unscathed. Her body was in so much pain. She knew she couldn't just stay here. She used the River to wash herself as well as mask her scent. Running up stream. She realized she was lost, she had no bearings of where she was. All she knew was she had to go away from the voices that were still calling for her. She kept moving deep into the night. Fear kept her from resting, from stopping, her body was in pain, her brain screaming for rest, but she couldn't stop.

Eventually, like every other day, the sun rose, blooms of pink and orange creating purple shadows on the clouds. It was beautiful. V took in the colors, she felt a spark of hope. Maybe she would just make it out of here. Maybe.

She had outrun them. Finally leaving the river, crossing through another thick forest and onto a vast plain. The grass came up to her hips. She kept her eye out for snakes. The last thing she wanted was to get bit by a fucking copperhead and die from the venom. There was a road not far from where she was walking. She would follow it until she hit some kind of safety. She made sure she would also be able to hide if she needed. Her plan had been a good one, but she didn't account for how tired she was.

She didn't hear the truck as it veered off road towards her and came to a quick stop.

A man got out, slamming the door behind him, vehicle still humming. He was a large man, well built. Garbed in familiar clothing, denim jeans, flannel button up, well worn boots. His icy blue eyes hidden underneath greying black hair. Salt and pepper beard that was scraggly and unkempt.

"Valerie you gave us a devil of a time." His tone made it seem like he was exasperated. The venom laced in his voice was subtle.

V turned to look and felt her body freeze.

The Father...

He wasn't her biological father, he was the head of the compound that she had been living on for five years. She never referred to him as The Father in her own mind. He was just The Man.

He was a monster.

"L-leave me alone!!" Her voice trembled as he loomed over her, crossing the gap between them with a few short, purposful, strides.

"You're gon' learn your place. I didn't want it to be this way, Valerie. We love you. Took you in when you had nothin'" He glared down at her, using his momentum, slapping her across the face. He shoved her down, a cruel smirk forming on thin, cracked, lips.

Johnny could only experience this in abject horror. He had never been made to feel this powerless. He felt V's fear.

The man loomed over her pointing down at her...like he had....

"You have a pretty good life, Valerie." The man bent over picking V up by the front of her shirt and bringing her in close. "You have a family, you can make music whenever you want, and soon enough you'll have your own young ones! Is this the legacy that they'll hear? Your ungratefulness? Your unwillingness to give life?" He barked in her face. His breath was rotten, he had some teeth missing. 

V held her breath, franticly looking around for anything to get her out of there. She finally spotted something, the instrument of her salvation. Tucked into the man's shirt pocket, a pocket knife.

"FUCK YOU!" she screamed directly in his face, high pitched shriek making her own ears ring. She grabbed for the knife, violently struggling, kicking wildly. She kicked the man square in the groin as she fought his grasp. The man dropped her, trying to recover quickly from the blow. His face red with pain.

V opened the knife in a flash, freshly sharpened, freshly cleaned, she turned, stabbing blindly. The knife sinking four inches into the soft tissue behind the man's jaw into his neck. His icy blue eyes widened as he choked on his own blood.

V's brown eyes were wide in a frenzy she ripped the knife out, blood spraying onto the ground, She'd hit an artery. The force of her movements knocked the man over. He desperately grabbed for the gushing wound on his neck when V fell on him, stabbing him again and again, his chest, face, stomach. She roared in fear and fury.

She imagined all of the things he had done to her.

The times he'd touched her.

Forced himself on her.

She kept stabbing until she ran out of breath. She was covered in blood, shaking. The man had stopped moving three minutes before V had stopped stabbing.

She stood over him, still trembling. She was a murderer now. She couldn't process what happened, shock pulling her into its gentle embrace. She found a gun on the corpse. She took it.

The truck was still running. V stumbled over to it. She climbed in, staining the seats in blood as she tried to stretch her little body to reach the pedals. She managed to maneuver the seat to a more comfortable position. she drove, albeit poorly, for the next three hours.

She stopped when she reached an abandoned gas station. She did her best to park where it wouldn't be seen as she locked herself in and curled up on the back seat.

She was in pain, she was scared, and she was tired.

She could solve the tired. She finally allowed herself to sleep. Curling into a little ball and allowing exhaustion to swallow her whole.

There was a soft tapping on the window moments later....

***  
V startled awake causing Johnny to snap awake as well.

She sat on the edge of her bed looking at her feet. She was processing.

Johnny clocked scars on her back, the remnants of the blast to her back as a kid.

He watched her move over to a shelf sliding open a cabinet door just enough to reach inside, taking an old record out, walking across the room and putting it into the player. Johnny couldn't quite see what it was until he heard the familiar first few notes of Chippin' In.

His surprise was palpable when his voice filled the room.

She had a Samurai album?

He didn't take her as the type. Then again he has plenty of corpo fans back in the day. Fuckin posers.

"So....what's the play?" He finally asked, revealing himself.

V turned the music down some to hear him. Despite him being in her head.

"Gonna call Judy...get a lead on Evelyn. Shower first."

She took a little longer in the shower, Chippin' In played again. The music seemed to help V relax as she was in the shower. Johnny was still stunned that he was listening to his own music while being with someone who probably hated him the most of anyone he knew. The tonal whiplash was certainly something. She stepped out of the shower, sliding into some clean clothes. She seemed to cherish the feeling of clean cloth against her skin. 

And just like that she was calling the BD editor. Judy answered as V was heading out of the apartment. Down the elevator, past Fred who praised her victory against the twins. 

Judy seemed happy to hear V was alive. Then Judy turned cold when asked further questions about Evelyn. V was growing desperate. They needed the help.

"Judy....can we meet? Let's meet."

Back at Lizzie's, Rita gave V some shit playfully but V made it through with no issue. Johnny wished that V would have gotten a drink. He was jonesing really hard for booze and smokes. Fuck he would do anything for a smoke, a real one.

V had given him a taste last night after her victory and he was craving so badly now. He was starting to get cagey about it.

Johnny waited until V was done talking to Judy. "A Doll....why am I not surprised?" He sighed.

"You're an engram in a fading mind, nothing should surprise you anymore."

The truth was a punch to the gut and Johnny took it in stride. "So we gonna hit this place, Clouds?" He asked.

"No other option really."

They hit clouds. Johnny razzing her the entire way. "Only two willing to spread their legs for you? Sad." He mocked. 

"Go eat a dick, Johnny." The venom in her voice was nonexistent. Now they were just bickering. At least they could have conversation. He felt irritation from her, but that was pretty standard for folks who interacted with him.

V was surprisingly sly, worming her way through talking to the doll, to stealing some VIP access card from an unsuspecting claw, to somehow keeping things smooth with the greasy fuck in the back. She didn't sling a single bullet. Didn't drop a single Claw.

"Oughta join the diplomatic corps." He joked.

"Shut up, Johnny."

RELIC MALFUNCTION DETECTED

She began to cough and stumble. 

"You're not doin much like that. Oughta sit for a bit." He advised as he watched V stumble. She sat down next to some unsuspecting gonks.

"Fuck you're gonna decommish before we get answers."

"What the fuck do you want from me?" She asked, her voice was soft, she was tired, she was in pain. He could feel the migraine shooting through her head.

He sat in front of her. 

"Ok, Basics..." He explained Mikoshi. 

"But you're not real....just a hallucination...." She squinted at him, her nose was bleeding.

"Wipe your nose, folks'll notice. If I were a lesser person I'd just wait until your mind shriveled up and I could take over. Told you, don't want that. All you gotta do is get me from Point A to Point B. I Smash 'Saka, and you get your life back. We both win." He laid his plan out for her. She seemed receptive. This was the first breakthrough they'd had. This was progress. 

Eventually she stood again, feeling well enough to get moving again. She called Judy. Letting her know the progress they'd made, that they were after some fixer named Fingers. Then they were on the way to JigJig street. V decided she ought to take a car this time. She was tired and sitting for a bit felt like a good idea. It was a short ride, but Johnny could tell V was processing something. 

She stopped the car just by the entrance to JigJig street but didn't get out. Her eyes were closed, breathing deeply, hands still on the steering wheel, her grip shifting some, as she steadied herself. Her right hand went up to rest against her left shoulder, the memory of Johnny losing his arm, the pain, fresh.

"Johnny..." She looked over at the seat beside her and then looked back at the steering wheel, cheeks flushed. "....can we talk...please?"

Sensing her extreme discomfort Johnny appeared, legs propped up on the dash.

"What, you don't wanna have a nice little talk while striding down JigJig street?" He smirked, looking at her from over his aviators.

"...relic is giving...well forcing really... me access to your memories...I'm...I've seen some things that are quite personal and...I'm sorry. I don't mean to violate your boundaries....and I'm also sorry you suffered. You didn't deserve any of what happened to you. I'm... if I've seen those memories...you've probably seen some of mine and...I'm not ready to talk about it now, but maybe after a drink...or a smoke."

Johnny was stunned. For the first time he didn't have a sharp remark, witty come back....not even a stupid dick joke. The vulnerability V was showing, the respect, he wasn't prepared.

"Smoke would be nice..." Was all he could muster.

"A-anyway uh...yup JigJig street. Let's get this fuckin over with."

V all but flung herself out of the car and the energy that was left in there.

There were a lot of words left unsaid. A faint glimmer of trust forming between the two of them.


	4. The Frail

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When you're dying, you feel everything with such an intensity that makes the world almost unbearable. Imagine feeling for two. V doesn't know how to hold herself together.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: Sexual abuse,

JigJig street always made her uncomfortable. Not because of the sex workers, or the drugs, none of that. Honestly JigJig street was like a concentrated version of Night City. It was a synopsis of what the city was about. No she often wrestled with the religious trauma she suffered while walking there, she made a point not to visit often. The street was drenched in neon lights and cat calls. A sex worker called out to her.

"I got something that'll keep you wet for _hours_. "

"Where's a little cutie like you going?" 

She ignored them. However there was one she couldn't ignore. She felt her guts twist as she passed by a window with a dancer in it. The dancer was beautiful, curvy and graceful. Her eyes were dulled out from drugs. She had long curly red hair and a soft face. V also knew she had soft hands. 

Prudence. 

When V found out Prude had come to NC and was working JigJig street it made her sick. She didn't care what Prude did for money, hell V killed for money, it was the fact that V felt _responsible_ for the life that Prude had now. Would she have been happier as a mother to a million kids? There was no telling. Prude never recognized her, or if she did they never spoke. They would never speak. V couldn't open that door. Too much effort went into closing it so she could function. 

She was clenching and unclenching her fists habitually. 

Johnny had been quiet after their little talk. She was grateful for the silence. She wondered if he could hear her thinking.

"I can, just didn't want to intrude." His voice startled her out of her spiral. 

"Jesus...."

"Is not on JigJig street."

V smirked. He got one solitary laugh from her.

"Lets get this over with..."

She turned a corner, stepping into a larger clearing illuminated by a yellow streetlamp. She clocked a group of young men waiting for her, guarding the door. One of them trying to hit her up. She frowned. 

"Got biz in there. Let me through" Her tone was menacing, it probably helped that she was carrying some impressive iron. The goons out front didn't give her any issues. They complained about her demeanor, _they were only joking._

She entered the building and could hear Judy yelling from where she was. A small smile crept on her lips. Judy was a spitfire and V appreciated that about her. She followed the yelling up the staircase, hand on the railing to balance her just in case she had another relic malfunction. She couldn't help but feel a wave of relief as she spotted the BD editor banging on the door demanding to speak to Fingers. 

The waiting room was small, illuminated by a few lights here or there but the lighting was kept low. Seating lining the walls. There was a smattering of sex workers sitting around, all of whom were NOT impressed with Judy's antics. 

"Judy!"

"V?" Judy turned and smiled as she spotted her friend. 

That smile made V's heart quicken.

Oh... _..oh no_

No no no there was no time for this. No time for feelings. She was dying and Evelyn was probably in danger. 

V shook her head, shoving her feelings aside, hopefully burying them down deep. This was not the time or the place for feelings like that. 

Judy tilted her head to the side before shuffling her feet some. "Could....you talk to those girls over there...see if we can cut ahead?" She asked softly.

"Why can't you do it?"

"I don't think they like me." She looked back at the sex workers and nodded. They most definitely didn't like her. 

"Do what I can."

Judy's expression shifted, V registered relief, and gratitude. 

V sat next to the workers. "Hey uh....my friend is really sick. Behavioral chip is acting up-" She glanced over at Judy who played her part. Really hamming it up.

"Seemed just fine until now." One of the women raised an eyebrow, not buying the act.

"She keeps it inside mostly. She's tough as nails but it's getting too extreme....Please..." V begged.

The woman next to her patted her shoulder. "Alright honey you can go next."

"Thank you so much." V looked grateful to that woman. She could feel the ire of these poor workers. All they wanted was to be fixed up. She wished she could refer them to Viks but she wasn't sure how that would go.

The door opened and a woman walked out touching her face, complaining about her vision. V and Judy darted in, hearing Fingers' airy tone as he dismissed the woman. 

"Doooon't worry, your optic nerves will adjust....eventually." He said furiously pumping hand sanitizer into his hands and rubbing them together. Fingers looked exactly like what a ripperdoc named Fingers would look like. Receding hairline, cut marks all over his body, long fingernails probably weren't good for the work he did. V was suddenly very aware of how fucking messy this place was.

"Hope you weren't hoping to pick up any chrome here." Johnny whistled looking at the room. There was blood and mess everywhere. The chair looked like it had just been pulled from a Scav's den. What a fucking nightmare.

"I'd rather just install mods myself then come here. You don't have to worry about that." V responded to Johnny.

The interrogation went about as well as it could have. The more Fingers talked the more V's skin crawled and the angrier Judy became. The way he talked about Evelyn, like she wasn't even human. V felt her blood boiling. She remembered being treated like that. Sub-human. She could still feel hands groping at her body, fingers snaking around her, holding her captive as she was devoured.

"Focus!" Johnny's voice snapped her out of the flashback she was dropping into. 

Judy slapped Fingers, Fingers deserved it. V got up after getting the info they needed.

"You got what you wanted, now get the fuck out of my clinic."

V didn't have to be told twice. The door slid shut behind her and looked at all of the Sex workers looking at her and Judy. "All of you, go to Viktor Vector. This asshole isn't gonna give you the help you need. He's a reputable guy. Won't fuck you over." She spoke quickly and quietly to them. They looked at each other and a few of them started filtering out.

Vik was gonna kill her. But he was a reputable guy and hopefully he could help these people. They deserved respect not....this.

She stepped out with Judy who was leaning over the railing of the apartment complex. "Motherfucker talked about her like she wasn't even human." She grumbled.

"And you gave him a taste of what he fuckin' deserved. Also he gave us the info we needed....also also I might have steered some clientele away....we should go." V offered her hand to Judy who raised her eyebrows. 

"What now?"

"Walk and talk..."

They talked, decided on buying a Moth BD. Wasn't hard to track down. Just find the sketchiest alleyway in Jigjig street, listen to some gonk go on about what his fetish was, then step in and buy a BD. The transaction took a minute. She was heading back to Judy when she stopped dead in her tracks, looking up. There was a spray painted mural along the back of one of the buildings. It was Arasaka tower being blown to bits, Johnny's face, and then the words 'WHERE'S JOHNNY?' reflected in Johnny's aviators. 

Johnny stopped. "Now that's just goddamn impressive." He marveled at the work. It truly was art. It was faded, had been here for a long time, unnoticed until now. 

"You really were a big deal huh."

"Says the bitch with an album of _my_ band." Johnny raised an eyebrow at her. 

"Dunno what you're talking about." V lied, but the conversation was over as she headed to the entrance of JigJig and spotted Judy's van.

V jumped in the van with Judy, they scrubbed through the braindance. Found the intel they needed. Death's Head were messy fucks. If Evelyn was with this BD studio? V shuddered. 

"We gotta go, now."

"Half way there." Judy responded. Time seemed to warp, it took forever and yet they were there almost immediately. 

Saving Evelyn was hard but V worked with precision and tact. Hacking the cams, taking out threats before they became a problem. She was like a phantom. The clock was ticking. Judy followed after her, keeping a low profile and watching out for V while V was hacked into a camera. They ran into little resistance. V would always put herself in front of Judy as they entered a room they weren't sure was cleared yet. 

When they found Evelyn.....V's stomach dropped. "Oh my god." She whispered. She slid to her knees, cupping Evelyn's face. "You're safe now. We got you." She whispered to the woman. Gone was the cunning woman who had hired her. Who had tried to cut out Dexter Deshawn. 

Judy moved to cut the feed to Evelyn's chip so they could disconnect her safely. The two worked in tandem. V picked Evelyn up. Cradling her close. "It's ok Baby g-Evelyn....I got you." She whispered. A feint memory of a male voice echoed in her mind that Johnny picked up on. 'Its ok baby girl, you're safe. You're safe.'. He wondered what that was. Perhaps a memory? 

V carried Evey to Judy's van. They drove in silence to the apartment. V sat in the back, holding Evelyn while Judy sped. 

When they arrived V placed Evelyn on Judy's bed gently. "Thank you for your help....can you give us a moment?" Judy asked. 

V nodded. "I can." She stepped outside. Resting against the railing of the walkway outside of Judy's apartment. It was raining, although the rain wasn't unpleasant. 

"Think she'll make it?" Johnny asked. 

"I really hope so." V didn't look at him. Her mind was elsewhere. She traced the cigarette case Judy had given her. Johnny heard the voice again 'It's ok Baby girl, you're safe. You're safe.'

"Who is that?" He finally asked. He watched V tense before relaxing. He watched her sigh. 

"You're stuck in my shitshow of a head...." 

"Yup."

"That....was the man who raised me." She said softly taking a cigarette out of the case and lighting it. Johnny seemed to relax against the railing as the nicotine hit. He looked at her, waiting to see if she would continue.

"His name was Alan. He showed me what a man truly was supposed to be. Took care of me. Never asked a goddamn thing in return and..." She took a long drag off of the cigarette, finishing it off, cherry growing dangerously close to her mouth. She flicked the filter away, watching it extinguish in a puddle below them. "I got him killed." 

She felt guilt flood her system like a hangover. Some wounds just didn't heal no matter how much time passed. 

She lit another cigarette. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Y'all pick up on my Nine Inch Nails naming convention yet? 
> 
> I really appreciate all the comments and interactions from everyone. This fic was sort of just for me to get the idea out of my head and the fact that folks actually like it really makes my heart happy.
> 
> Also in this house we support sex workers.


	5. Dead Souls

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Actions have consequences and Johnny and V only have each other to rely on to survive.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TRIGGER WARNING: Graphic depictions of body mutilation. Eyeball stuff.

Johnny mulled over what V had told him. She'd gotten her father figure killed. She'd been stuck in a breeder cult. Seemed she couldn't catch a break. Granted broken folks tended to fracture and break more easily than those who had the eddies to hide away from how the world really was. He could attest to that.

The voice that sounded in her head was a gentle one, soft southern accent to it. Seemed comfortable, maybe that was just V's association with it. Wasn't sure. "Well let's fuckin' get in there and see what that dead whore knows."

"I said we'd give them time." V responded, stamping out her third cig. "I gave you three cigarettes, stop using the word whore and quit being a fuckin asshole. Between the two of us? I should be the one rushing. You only stand to gain here, Silverhand." She reminded him bitterly.

As if Johnny needed reminding. He didn't want to admit it but he was scared for V. He didn't want to be the thing killing her. A literal weapon created by the corpos, Arasaka no less, to destroy someone's selfhood. He didn't like being a virus.

The cigarettes were nice. V had done him a kindness there. She was right. But he was antsy none the less. V's clothes were stuck to her body, her hair soaked. She looked down at her hands, blood and sweat washed from her body in the rain. She reentered the apartment complex, striding over to Judy's door and knocking gently.

"Judy?" She called gently.

Johnny felt her heart flutter.

When they entered Judy was standing in the doorway to the bedroom. She was just watching Evelyn who was laying in bed.

"How...is she?" V asked, she was a little afraid of the answer.

"She's....well...Not great...but she's finally sleeping." Judy turned around. "You know, I was ready to kill you when you asked me to check her behavioral chip. But...well you need to see for your self."

"I take it you've seen the data then?"

"Want you to go in with a fresh perspective."

V nodded.

Johnny sighed. Smoking a digital cig, still rolling off of the nicotine from the real ones V had smoked a moment earlier. He glanced around the apartment, jellyfish and all matter of sea creatures painted on the walls. Hell she had a fish tank with a couple of the little fuckers in there. He tapped at the glass, fingers going right through it. Right..... He wasn't _real._

Physical interaction was beyond him. V walked walked over to the tank, seeing what Johnny was up to and tapped the glass lightly where Johnny had, startling the fish some.

"Stop scaring my fish. Let me set the parameters. " Judy headed back towards what was probably her office. "Be just a minute."

V took this time to go see Evelyn.

"Evelyn....not here to nag....just glad to see you alive." She spoke with a sad honesty. Wasn't Evelyn's fault she was in this situation. She could really only blame herself. 

Johnny being on the other end of this introspection made him feel awkward at best, a lot of it was cringeworthy. 

When they checked the BD's and learned that the VooDoo Boys were after Alt. Johnny felt his blood run cold, if he had blood. He felt V's eyes on him.

"Why would they care about Silverhand? He's just some rockerboy, died like a million years ago." Judy wondered out loud.

V Sighed, glancing to Johnny almost for permission. Johnny flicked his fake cigarette out the window, watching it despawn from existence. 

"The biochip...it has an Engram on it...Silverhand's Engram." V explained, her fingers touching her neutral port, the chip. 

_Rip the thing out myself._

_No Wait!!_

Even just touching it made both of them shudder. Sent jolts of electricity up and down both of their spines. 

"Engram?" Judy tilted her head slightly, her hair falling into her face even more. 

It was so goddamn endearing. V was enamored and Johnny could puke. 

"A personality construct. This chip has Johnny on it." She explained. 

Judy nodded. "Right..."

"Can you give me a moment? Need to sort my head a little."

"Of course..." Judy stood up.

"Johnny had positioned himself towards the window in Judy's office, facing away from her rather impressive setup of monitors and screens. He wondered what kind of editing she got done here with that kind of rig. She had to be making more than just cheap porn. She didn't seem the skeezy type to really enjoy editing people's fucking. Sure she was good at it...but nobody would put this in their own home just to play with fuck scenes. 

"Why are they after Alt?" V asked Johnny. 

"Fuck if I know....that Netrunner was the best in Night City. If anyone is gonna know about the biochip, about soulkiller and Mikoshi, it's gonna be her." He huffed. Thinking of Alt made his heart ache. He knew V felt it too. 

"So...I guess we have a lead then."

"Piss poor one...Lets just get at this Juju Wire-"

V's expression was a warning. She wasn't going to tolerate his language for a lot longer. 

"Let's just track down these fuckin' runners. " He huffed. 

V nodded, better.

They left the office, V spotted a robot on the table that sat directly across from the office door. 

"Impressive stuff." Johnny looked it over. "Think she builds it herself?"

"After a day of editing hardcore BDs? Probably how she unwinds."

"Y'know she's not so bad....save for one thing."

V tilted her head slightly, pretending to be looking at the robot. 

"Her taste. Don't pretend you don't notice the way she looks at you. Makes you feel all mushy. I can feel that." He smirked. 

"Fuck off Johnny." 

He grinned, another W for Silverhand. 

Judy talked to V, telling her that she thought V was a good person. That Judy didn't have good intuition with folks but that she thought they could be friends. 

V smirked. "Once Evey is feeling better I'll order us some food or something and we can have a night in." V offered. Judy smiled softly. 

"I'd like that."

"Ugh your flirting is fucking _awful_. Can we go please?" Johnny whined. 

V waved to Judy before leaving the apartment. 

She was walking out the door into the rain, smiling up at the clouds and enjoying the feeling of a gentle rain against her skin. She wasn't paying attention. Didn't notice the Claws until it was too late. 

"V ON YOUR SI-" Johnny started to yell as he watched a Tyger Claw come up behind her and clock her in the back of the head. She was out like a light and so was Johnny. 

***

There was a gentle tapping on a window. They were back in the truck again. Just after escaping The Father.

The door opened and the sound startled V fully awake and she pulled away from the window aiming her newfound gun at the silhouette. 

"Hey...hey..." The silhouette held their hands up. "Are you ok kid?" The voice belonged to a male. Deep with a southern twang to it. 

"G-Go away...p-please." V's voice was barely a whisper.

"Kid...is that blood yours?" The man leaned forward. He was in his fifties at least. He had a prosthetic arm, looked similar to Johnny's. Greying brown hair and a beard to match. His eyes were hazel, gentle. His expression read concern. "My name's Alan...What's yours?" Alan offered.

V tried to move back more but couldn't. She hissed in pain, the buckshot, the blood loss, the exhaustion, it was all too much for her to handle and she fainted, gun slipping form her hand. 

She felt Alan pull her close. "It's ok baby girl, I got you. You're safe." He whispered. "Not gonna hurt you.....let's get you cleaned up."

V slipped into darkness again.

***

"Thought you could fucking steal clientele from me? Thought you could try and fuck me?" A familiar voice hissed. 

V felt something striker her face. It was a quick blow, stung like hell, she felt something warm and red spill from her forehead down her face. She opened her eyes to see a familiar figure standing before her. 

Fingers. 

He had a cane in his grasp and struck her in the face with it again. This time a huge welt on her cheek forming. 

"Thought you could fuck with me?" He hissed. They were somewhere familiar....the Death's head studio. 

V felt her blood run cold. Johnny cursed. "Fuck you told those Whor- folks to go to Viks." He muttered pacing. Wasn't sure what to do to help here. V was bound to a chair in the BD studio. 

Fingers looked around at the plastic that was hanging from the ceiling that surrounded the filming area. He smirked at the blood covered bed. "You're going to beg before I'm through. " He smirked, taking a drag off of a long cigarette. He blew the smoke in her face. 

"Let's get her into surgery." He nodded to two no-neck meat heads who picked V and the chair she was bound to up with ease. 

V struggled. She fought and tried her best to get away. It was all in vain. She let out a scream as she fought against the ropes that bound her. A primal roar. It made the lunk heads smirk. Johnny felt rage build in him. Fuck. Fingers being associated with these Scavs....being ONE of them? No wonder his fucking office looked so bad. 

"Brand new Kiroshi optics and we'll just have to see what other chrome you're packing..." He hummed as he filled a syringe to the brim with something. 

"This ought to be enough." 

V felt the needle enter her neck and her body froze. She couldn't move. She was fully aware, she could feel everything, she just couldn't move. 

"Johnny..." She whispered, fear crawling into her voice. "Johnny _please_." She begged him, her eyes searched for him. Johnny couldn't bring himself to appear. He was caught as much as she was. 

"M'here....Fuck this is bad." 

V was strapped to a bloody table. Fingers hovered over her. "Let's start with those pretty little eyes." He hummed. He took V's face in his hands and reached into her eyes, those long fingernails easily slid around the Kiroshi optics. He didn't bother being gentle. V cried out in pain as she felt the first one detach. Half her vision going dark. 

He set the eye down on a table. "And for number two..." He hummed as he stretched V's eyelids wide as they'd go. Tears forming in her eyes as she felt fingernails scratching the inside of her orbital socket. 

Her world went dark. 

She felt her clothing being stripped from her. She couldn't move. 

She couldn't move. 

She was trapped....again. 

She felt something within her shift again. Deep anger starting to climb up from the very fiber of her being. Her will to survive. 

Whatever Fingers had given her wasn't strong enough to combat that. She shrieked, sitting up. Her mantis blade's coming to life and she swung liberally. Feeling connection. She kept swinging. She heard Finger's soft voice as he cried out in pain. 

She sat up, stumbling off of the table, slipping on something....wet. 

"Johnny....." She called out to him, her hand reaching out for something...anything. She was completely blind. 

"Right here." Johnny spoke, his hand taking hers. It was such a strange sensation when they touched. 

"Can...can you see?" She asked him. 

"Yeah, I'll guide us home. Blades out. Got one guy coming up, three o'clock! SWING!" He called and V moved, slashing wildly. She felt her blade connect with something metallic. A clanging noise causing her to wince. 

"Blocked your first, swing with your other arm horizontally straight out from your shoulder!" Johnny barked. V followed, feeling the blades cut through flesh like butter. 

"SEVEN O'CLOCK!" Johnny called again, V was more prepared, spinning around and slashing with both blades. She heard a grunt and a heavy thud. 

"Who else?" She spoke out loud. 

"Nobody yet...blade back in, gonna lead you out of here but we gotta get you something to cover up with..." Johnny frowned. He felt so goddamn useless. He could see but he could do little else. couldn't grab her anything. "Hold my hand." He said taking her hand in his metal one. "We're waking five steps forward." He helped her count. "There's a heavy coat. Put it on." 

V reached out, gently feeling for the coat Johnny mentioned. Her hands met heavy fabric and she wrapped it around her. It would have to do for now. 

"I"m taking your hand." Johnny told her. She held her hand out to where she thought his voice was coming from. 

"ten steps forward, walk carefully, there's shit all over. Keep your weight over your entire foot. You're bleedin' pretty bad, can't have you slip." He informed her. She could feel something wet on her cheeks. She guessed it was probably blood. "N-need to call Judy...Need to call Vik" 

"Do that." 

The holo rang for Viktor Vector. 

"V, did you recommend some new clients to...fuck! V what's going on where are you? What happened?" Vik's voice went from warm to worry in an instance. 

"Scavs..." She whispered. "Need...need you to...They took the Kiroshi's..." She muttered. Her body felt cold. She felt so tired. 

God she was so so tired. 

"Don't fuckin' fade away now!" Johnny patted her shoulders. 

"Where are you!?"

V muttered the location of the BD studio. "Judy knows...." She sent him Judy's info. 

She felt her strength waning. The shit she'd been injected with coming back against her adrenaline. She sank to the floor, feet slipping out from under her, she felt something slash against her leg. She didn't know what it was. She felt heard a crash, felt something hit her. 

"Surgical cart, you knocked it over. One of the instruments cut you, it's not bad." Johnny told her the damage. "V, stay with me. Don't fuckin fade. Do. Not. Fade."

This was bad. This was bad and he couldn't do anything to stop it. Why was he just so goddamn useless? He growled in frustration. 

V was laying on her side this time. "Tryin'" She told Johnny. Reaching out again. Johnny reached his hand out to her, kneeling down. 

"V!" Her hand passed through his. 

***

"This is gonna sting, but we have to clean you off. Can't have an infection. Ok? Gonna tell ya exactly what I'm doin' as I do it, Okay?" Alan asked. It was the next day from what Johnny could tell. 

V nodded. She hissed in pain as Alan began the process of digging buckshot out of her back, sterilizing the wounds, and sewing her shut. 

"squeeze that pillow I handed you when it hurts, ok?" 

His touch was gentle as it could be. He worked quickly. Bandaging her up. "Ok wrap this 'round your front." He instructed gently and she obliged. "Gonna have to have these on for a while I think. That shot was pretty nasty. What happened kid?" He asked as he finished bandaging her up. He gave her a t-shirt that had a big red angry Oni on the front and the name SAMURAI emblazoned across it. 

"Ran away." Her face fell. 

"Oh shit...one o'them breeder groups ain't that far off..." His expression softened as he looked at V. His expression hardened as he looked in the distance. "What's your name?" He asked. 

"Valerie..." V looked at her lap. "...don't like it though."

"So what do you like to be called?" He asked. 

"I-I don't know...."

"How 'bout Val?" Alan offered. 

V frowned. She didn't quite like that one.

"Okay strike one....how 'bout V?" 

V's brow furrowed as she processed that one. V. 

She nodded. "V" She repeated. 

"Alrighty, well it's nice to meet you, V" Alan offered his hand to her to shake. "Mind if I ride with you for a little while? Just 'til we know it's safe?" 

V shook his hand, her's a fraction of the size of his. "Okay." She gave him a soft smile. 

"Now...Go head and lay down. I"mma clean up the truck and scrounge up some food. Sound good?" 

***

"V? V! Oh my god! Oh my god there's so much blood. Fuck!" V heard Judy's voice and felt some arms scoop her up. 

"V, it's Vik. I've got you." Vik's basey voice resonated against her chest as she was carried bride style somewhere. She faded in and out again. "Just can't catch a break." He spoke softly. 

Time warped again, it had been hours but also only seconds. She didn't know where she was. She began to fully rouse from the drug induced sleep. 

"Where am I?" She began to reach for her faculties, first touch, then hearing....

"We're at Viks. Ripper doc came with Judy and the chick with the hair."

"Misty." 

"Yeah."

"Been out for a coupla hours." Johnny stood by her. She could feel his presence. "Hooked you up with a new set of Kiroshi's." 

"V?" Viktor's voice this time, the sound of his rolling stool growing closer. "Slow, V. Whoever had you really did a number on you. You're gonna recover just fine. Just...take it easy for a little while ok? Try opening your eyes for me?" He asked.

V groaned, shifting in Vik's chair. She opened her eyes, wincing at the bright light. She could see! She looked down at her hands, at her body. She was wearing a patient gown. 

"Sent Misty and Judy to go pick you up some clothes." Vik smiled at her, touching her arm gently. 

V took his hand in hers and just held it. She felt her breathing grow shakey. Her heart started to race, her eyes welling up with tears. 

She felt tears rush down her face. She _hated_ crying. 

"V?" Judy's voice came to her as she and Misty returned a few moments later, she spotted the Merc holding the ripper doc's hand. 

Judy rushed to V's side. Pulling her into a soft hug. 

V clung to Judy. Holding on to her for dear life as she shook. 

Judy gently ran a hand up and down V's back. 

They were safe. 


	6. No Good

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After the horrors V experienced. She's not processing well, she's not processing at all.  
> All she wants is to work. She wants the hum of violence in her veins. 
> 
> She doesn't want to die...
> 
> For Johnny it's a little too familiar.

A few hours after V had been saved and V was already up and ready, anxious, to go home. Judy walked her home, V showed her the apartment.

"Sorry bout the mess." She said glancing at the food sitting out, the pyramid of beer cans she had made drunkenly a while back standing as a monument to her being a foul bachelorette. 

Real classy V.

"V I don't think anyone would mistake you for someone with class." Johnny joked.

V deadpanned at him before turning back to Judy.

She noticed Judy looking around. She slid open the cabinet that held all of her Samurai stuff. She felt her guts twist. Guess the cat was gonna be out of the bag.

"Oh wow you dig Samurai huh?" She said as she thumbed through wrecords and touched a familiar t-shirt.

"My Dad was a pretty big fan. Said he would raise me on the right music. Learned how to drive while listening to Silverhand's 'sins of your brothers' album." V admitted. She could feel Johnny's eyes burning a hole in the back of her head.

"Probably weird now that you have his personality construct with you huh."

"....you got no idea"

Oh she could feel how smug Johnny was feeling. She hated this. This was the worst case scenario.

"Wanna listen?" V offered.

"Think it'd help?"

"....yeah."

V got up and grabbed the album, sliding the vinyl free from it's envelope. It had an image of Johnny's face 'Never Fade Away' written across his eyes. She set the vinyl in the wrecord player but paused. She looked down at the cover, tracing along the edges. This album had been Alan's. Lord he had been so fucking proud to find it.

_"Kiddo I'm gonna give you a music education. This here's Samurai. Ballsiest rockers in Night City."_

She smirked at the memory.

"V? You in there?"

V was startled out of her memories as Judy swooped into her field of vision.

"Shit...sorry just got lost." She admitted.

"Could tell when you started the wrecord but didn't set the needle." Judy gave her a wry smile as she set the needle. 'Never Fade Away' filling the room.

"Let's sit." Judy was coaxing V around the apartment. She asked about various decorations. Some sugar skulls from Jackie. A whole painted Deer skull hung on her wall.

"Killed a deer in the wild. Dad wanted to commemorate it. The boiling and bleaching process is fucking disgusting." She wrinkled her nose.

Judy laughed.

The sound was like music to V.

"I gotta go...Evey's home and I gotta keep an eye on her."

"'course...is she...ok?" V asked.

"Quiet...but functioning. Slow progress you know?"

"Yeah."

"Are you gonna be ok?"

"Yeah, I'm fine." V lied, but gave a reassuring smile. "See ya 'round Judy."

V saw Judy out before the door slid closed, locked, v slid into her armory, locked it, and slid under the work bench. A small hidey-hole she kept for the nights when the nightmares got too heavy.

"Just gonna lie to her like that?" Johnny appeared sitting across the small room from her. His legs crossed. "You're not ok."

"No I am not." V agreed.

"For what it's worth? You did good. Nobody could a made it outta there in the state you were in."

"Johnny. Please. I don't...I don't wanna talk. I don't wanna process-"

"What do you wanna do then?"

V didn't respond. She had her hands on either side of her head, her legs tucked up. She was staring at the ground just breathing. She felt her body shaking. 

She sat like that for hours. Johnny remained at her side just sitting in the silence. 

It was easy for them to do this as well. Her shallow breathing slowly returning back to normal. 

"Fuck. Wasted too much goddamn time. FUCK!" she hit her fist against the wall, snapping herself out of her daze. 

"Wondered where your mind had gone. I swear I coulda seen a tumbleweed bouncing around in there."

V slid out of her hiding place, stood up, she unlocked the door to her armory, stripping out of her clothes and walking to the shower. Any sense of privacy was gone with Johnny. He'd seen everything. She took a five minute shower, scrubbing at her skin roughly. 

She toweled off before sliding into some clean clothes. 

"Let's go see Rogue."

She could feel Johnny's excitement. He missed his friends. She knew that. 

Afterlife was less impressive after the first few times of coming here. Also didn't help that she was reminded of the Jackie shaped hole in her heart.

She waved to Clair who smiled at her. V made a direct path to see Rogue. She leaned over passed her huscle. "Rogue. Need to talk." She called. 

"It's ok...let her through"

Rogue regarded her, taking V in completely. "Hn...not here...not there. Who are you?"

"Name's V." V introduced herself politely. 

"After all these years, it really is her. Fuckin' Rogue, just kickin' it on a couch in The Afterlife." Johnny appeared behind her. His familiarity bleeding through into V just so slightly. He _missed_ her. 

"Don't mess with 'er. She's got MR-eyes. She'll see right through you."

"Need your help, gotta track a guy down. Anders Hellman. Hotshot engineer worked for Arasaka." 

Rogue's eyes flashed red for a moment. "Anders Hellman, ping him for me?"

V was surprised. "Thanks..."

"Jumpin' too soon. First, my help comes at a price, second and third: Dexter Deshawn, Jackie Welles, T-Bug. Ringin' a lot of bells. Death walks in your wake." She leaned forward, her gaze piercing right through V. 

V steeled herself for this. She knew the questions would come. 

"Chalk that up to bad luck?"

"Theeere's the bitch I know." Johnny nodded. "Tell her about 'Saka tower, how they shot me up right in front of 'er"

"We all get unlucky in some gigs. You yourself lost Johnny fuckin' Silverhands during a raid on 'Saka tower." V countered, she shifted some to stand taller, posturing.

"Came prepped. Alright, feelings be damned, you better have your eddies." Rogue leaned back, crossing her legs. 

V's eyes lit up as she drained her bank account to Rogue's. She fuckin' needed this. 

Rogue nodded, eyes flashing red again. "Anders Hellman, flick me the detes." 

V waited expectantly as Rogue made her current company move. 

"Siddown." She held up two fingers to Clair. "Two please."

They went over the details of the job. They'd need to meet a new associate. 

Panam Palmer. 

V could feel that Rogue wasn't being straight with her but she knew trying to get further information would be like getting blood from a stone. She couldn't tell if that nugget of info was her intuition or Johnny's knowledge. At this point she didn't care. She had a little more cash to burn and a mind to spend it foolishly. She had a feeling that Panam wouldn't be available at midnight so she decided to do what any normal sane person would do before a job: get fucked.

She sat at the bar giving Clair a charming smile. 

"V, welcome back! What'll it be?" She asked, cleaning a glass and setting it down behind the bar. 

"Gimme a Jackie Welles." V asked.

_"Shot of vodka on the rocks, lime juice, ginger beer... oh, and most importantly – a splash of love."_

The glass was sitting in front of her for a split second as V knocked it back with vigor. She could feel the alcohol burn on its way down.

For Johnny it was like looking into a mirror. He welcomed the residual burn from the alcohol. Oh they were about to have some fun huh?

Another Jackie and two Silverhands later she was scouting the bar for something new. Something that would give her an edge that would help with the next days gig. She spotted what, or rather who, she was looking for. 

She quirked an eyebrow at a man in a coat who was just standing in a corner lazily smoking a cigarette and watching the thoroughfare. He locked eyes with her and she gave him a seductive smirk and he strode over. 

Johnny knew exactly what was going on. "Sure don't do things half assed do you?" He leaned against the bar, facing away from clair, both elbows propped up behind him. His head leaned back as he pulled off of his fake cigarette. If she was gonna buy drugs he wondered if he could convince her to smoke a few cigs. Wouldn't be hard....

"Buy you couple shots?" V asked shifting in the barstool. Clair set down four shots between the two of them.

The radio started playing a classic, No Good by an old band, Kaleo. 

V held one of the shot up. "To friends....to this." She smirked at her own joke. She remembered Jackie chewing her out about her bad toast so long ago. 

They did the shots together before V's eyes flickered, funds transferred. 

The man smirked and passed two inhalers to her, Black Lace. "First one's for the shots" He leaned into V's personal space. Clearly thinking that this was going somewhere. 

V put a firm hand on his chest. She was drunk but aware enough that this wasn't going to fly. "Transaction complete, Choom." 

"Clair one for the road!" V called as another shot was slid down the bar to her. She knocked it back and all but sauntered out of The Afterlife. She was buzzing with terrible ideas. "Let's make some trouble." She looked to Johnny who was following after her. He was watching a dumpster fire in the making and she knew it.

V felt _good_ She hadn't felt this good in so long. Bounce in her step and a swagger to her hip she walked down the road, deciding what the next step was. She certainly wasn't goin' home. 

V found herself in another bar an hour later, her clothes sticking to her body. She reeked of alcohol and body odor as she danced. She sang out to the lyrics of whatever song was playing. She didn't have a bad voice either. 

The night was a good one. The two idiots stumbling home. Johnny was swimming in V's drunken haze with her. She'd smoked at least five cigarettes on the way home. 

"God those things taste like ass." V said as she stumbled into her apartment, talking out loud to Johnny. 

"V with the amount of shitty drinks you had-"

"Mmmm some of those were your drinks you fuckin' gonk-"

"ok the two silverhands were-"

"Don't shittalk Jackie. He had taste."

"Not shittalkin' Jackie. Lemme finish a sentence. Jesus. What the fuck was that shit you drank at the country bar?"

"Malort?"

"Fuck. You shoulda puked."

"Didn't. You ain't never had fuckin' bathtub moonshine huh?" V grinned as she stumbled to the shower. "Dunno what kinda person Panam is. Probably bad idea to show up smelling like a hangover..."

"Dunno, can't imagine it's any different than how you normally smell."

V was already showering. "Can't hear your bullshit over the shower." She lied

Johnny appeared in the shower with her, he let his aviators slide down his nose so he could look her in the eye. 

V didn't turn around, ignoring him. She finished rinsing off before turning around and almost bumping into him. "Fuck!" She bounced off of him a little. "....you mind?"

"No I do not." He said looking her up and down. 

"Stop being fucking weird."

She pulled on a big T shirt and her favorite ratty sweats. She took some painkillers to combat the hangover she was due to have, and crawled into bed. 

"We make a pretty good team....when we work together..." She noted, still drunk, She sighed and fell asleep.

She didn't dream.

Finally a full night's rest.

She woke the next morning, calling Panam and setting up a meeting.

V was quick to get ready. 

There was work to be done. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading! It's made me really happy seeing all the comments and interaction with this story. I love hearing folks' opinion!
> 
> Also broke my 'only using Nine Inch Nails songs as title names' streak. 
> 
> Pls listen to Kaleo they're so good.


	7. The Perfect Drug

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Best ass in the badlands. Johnny can't help but truly appreciate Panam. 
> 
> Who doesn't love a woman who can kick their ass?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: Drug use

V walked towards the chosen meeting spot given to her by Panam. Johnny didn't know what to expect, she sounded terse on the holo but seeing her in person bent over the engine of a car.

"Fuck..." Johnny whistled.

"I have eyes, Johnny. I see 'er." V responded to him in agreement. 

Nothing like a little solidarity between two chooms. 

"So...gotta ask, which team you bat for?" Johnny asked. 

"My own, not that it's your fuckin business." V frowned. "Men aren't bad...just...have you seen _women?_ " V asked.

"Once or twice, yeah." Johnny chuckled. 

As V approached the frustrated nomad she cleared her throat. 

Damn they didn't make women like Panam. She wasn't here for bullshit and Johnny could respect that. 

"Hey Panam?" V cleared her throat. 

"So you're V. Where's my shit?" She asked, digging around under the hood of the car still. 

"What's wrong with this one?" V asked, crossing her arms and cocking one hip.

"Borrowed. Listen you said you knew where my car was and the merch-" She started. 

The two had a back and forth for a while. Johnny did his best to keep present but man Panam had a nice ass. 

"Need you as a second pair of eyes an ears, asshole." V chided him. 

"Listen I'm just a humble gentleman with simple needs."

"Damn you should get checked out by a doc with the amount of horse shit that just fell out of your mouth." 

"Got one stop off before we hit Rocky Ridge." Panam interjected unknowingly. 

"Where to?" 

"The Aldecaldo camp. I need to see some of the old clan."

V asked a few questions of Panam as they headed towards the camp. Johnny thought of Santiago, man had long earned his respect. Wondered how he was...if he was still around. Judging from how the Aldecaldos reacted to Panam and V, referring to their leader Saul, he guessed that Santiago wasn't around anymore. Damn Shame. 

V and Panam managed to leave with some supplies, Johnny slipping behind Panam to - uh- enjoy the view. 

Soon enough they were riding towards Rocky Ridge. V and Panam got along pretty well. Good. Bitch could probably use a friend or two. He saw the way she watched her periphery now. How he was starting to do the same. He felt her vulnerability and how she was beginning to overcompensate. In a car with another person she did her best to feel and look relaxes but her mind was racing a mile a minute as they arrived at Rocky Ridge. They laid their trap, it was going to go without a hitch. V was sure about it. 

"We can just pick em off no issues. Play a few games with em get the car and merch back." Panam suggested. 

"Eh if things get messy they get messy. We'll get your stuff no problem." V offered. 

"Would prefer if things didn't get that messy."

V nodded. "Lets get into position." V headed on top of the abandoned power station to camp until it was time to light these people up. 

"You aren't going to play by Panam's rules, are you." Johnny appeared to V, sensing her apprehension. Sensing her need to prove to herself that she was no weakling. She kept playing the scenario with Fingers over and over in her head like a broken record. "V!" Johnny appeared in front of her. She didn't react to him, reaching into her pocket as the sun went down and pulled out a familiar canister. "V this is a bad call..." He warned. 

"I don't want a lecture from _you_ of all people about drugs. Johnny I need this....I just do." 

Johnny sighed as he felt the effects of Black Lace hit her. Her senses heightened, as did his. 

The Raffens showed up and the plan was sprung. V managed to tag a few with some Daemons but all she truly did was paint a target on her back. This was all intentional. Soon enough he felt V's mind slipping, fading. 

"V..." He started but the Black Lace was in full effect. Suddenly he was behind her eyes as she ran in, guns blazing. This was completely opposite of how she normally operated. He watched her shoot out a Raffen's knee, forearm shift to show her mantis blade and cut down the unfortunate soul. The dying scream made V feel _good._ She felt like she was in control again. 

"This a fucking cyberpsycho??" Johnny heard someone yell. That person's head exploded as Panam made good on her promise to back V up if it got messy. It was messy.

It was also quick. 

As soon as the altercation started it was over and V was picking over whether or not she wanted a new gun or not. Panam was checking over her truck. 

"I see what the fuss was about. " V called out to Panam. "Damn good truck."

"See?" Panam smirked. "So you uh...normally that brutal?" She crossed her arms. 

"Going through some personal trouble. Work helps me process some shit."

"Ah...well uh...we aren't done." She admitted. "Nash wasn't here..."

"Tell me on the way." V had a wicked grin as she climbed into the car. 

The trip was quick and soon enough V slipped back into the zone. Killing without mercy. She'd shoot one Shiv, cut down another, she was a sight to behold. 

Johnny had to admit he was impressed although worried. He knew it wasn't really his business....well that wasn't true it was. He was along for the ride and her actions really did have consequences for him. He knew what it was like though. The need to take back control at any cost. The need to prove to himself that he wasn't weak. He got it. 

They'd have a conversation later. It wouldn't be pretty.

When there were no Raffen left Panam and V reunited. Panam called Rogue to tell her what just transpired. Rogue had handed the short end of the stick to Panam it seemed. He frowned at that. she wasn't the same Rogue he knew, that was for sure. His Rogue wouldn't have fucked over someone this hard and then rubbed their face in it. Seems she needed a wakeup call as well. 

They stopped off at a motel, dropping off the merch and collecting their eddies. At least they were getting paid at all. It was late and Johnny could feel the exhaustion crawling into V's form. After having a few drinks with Panam it was time for them to crash. They were coming down from the Lace. He hoped that they would wake up feeling better tomorrow. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Short chapter. I'm finding that basically writing a summary of the game is a little exhausting so I'm trying to rework things so it's more fun to read as well as write. <3 thank you so much for reading!


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